You Can't Always Get What You Want

This week has been hard.  And this post is one I've been trying to avoid.  But I was moved to action today by a total stranger on Instagram.  She messaged me asking about endometriosis and how I've improved my symptoms and manage my pain.  It was great to connect with someone else who understands this disease, and I felt like I could actually be of some help.  That's why I started this blog in the first place.  And it's the reason I take stupid pictures of my food and post them.  I'm not a culinary genius.  But I do build meals based on the endometriosis diet and my fitness goals.  If that helps to heal my body, and in turn helps someone else do the same, then it's all worth it.  Even the ridicule of being "that girl" who posts her food.

But the main reason I've avoided posting was this past Sunday.  

Mother's Day.  

A day that knocks the wind out of me.  

It's a struggle for two reasons...  

1.  I miss my own mom.  I hate that we live 10 hours away from each other and we have to make grand plans to see each other.  There are so many times I wish I could just pop over to her house, sit down with a cup of tea, and talk through life with her.  I wish we could meet for lunch, or go shopping, or go to church together.  I envy people who live so close to their families.  But I will say, it makes us cherish the time we do get to spend together, and it makes it more special.  My mom and dad will be here in June and I can't wait!

2.  I wish I was a mom.  It breaks my heart every day.  Heartache is not only an emotion, but a physical manifestation that wells in my throat and feels like it might choke me.  And on days like Mother's Day, it takes all my willpower just to get through the mundane routine of a day.  I have so many amazing mothers in my life that surround me daily, and I just want to be part of that.  I don't hate you for being a mother.  I don't mind your stories about your kids.  I love kids.  And I love the love you have for them.  I just so desperately want to have that as well.  So on Mother's Day, I grow quiet, and I take care of myself.  I stay busy.  I stay off social media.  I spend time in nature.  I pray and thank God for everything that I do have in my life, and I also pray that I will be patient as I wait for the right time for me to be a mother.  Because I know it will happen.  It's just not in my power to decide when.  

So after I made it through Sunday, I was super excited for Team Week in Jungle Gym.  And Monday's workout included none other than...tire flips!!  But for whatever reason, my body did not cooperate during that workout.  I was cramping and in pain almost the entire time, and I struggled through every rep.  Thank goodness for my partner, who was incredibly patient with me and kept me going.  I managed to keep working up until the buzzer, and I was proud that I at least kept moving and didn't give up.  But I left feeling pretty frustrated and even apologized to my partner for failing her that day.  Yesterday I felt great during the workout and figured I was in the clear for the rest of this week.  But then last night, I woke up in the middle of the night with pain and cramping, which has lasted most of the day.  I decided to forego Jungle Gym and do yoga at home instead.  It definitely helped me feel a little better, and I'm hoping I will get a good night's rest.

What I can't figure out is, what makes certain days different?  Why do I feel amazing and unstoppable some days, but then others leave me feeling like I've been beaten to a pulp.  It's one of the most frustrating aspects of this disease.  It's cyclical, so I know that some days and weeks will be tougher than others, but then there are random days as well when I get hit with a flare up of pain.  I will never, ever understand it.

Instead, I try to get through it as best I can, so here are my top pain management tips:

1.  Stick to my diet.  

It's not easy, but it helps so much.  And I can tell when I'm too lenient.  That's when I need to reign it back in and cut out things like alcohol or sweets that I sometimes allow myself "as a treat".  It's a slippery slope, and I have to be careful.

2.  Manage my stress.

Stress negatively effects the body, and for someone like me, it really does a number.  I have to compartmentalize my work and remind myself that it will all get done, even when it feels overwhelming.  Staying organized definitely helps with this.

3.  Use home remedies.

Hot baths, a heating pad, yoga, stretching, massage oil, and rest all help immensely, especially when I have a bad flare up.  I reserve pain medication as a last resort when nothing else works.  Thankfully, I only need it once every month or two.

4.  Listen to my body.

After almost 13 years, I know now when to push through and when to pull back.  My body knows how much pain it can handle.  Sometimes during a workout or a tough day at work, I know that just breathing and going slower will get me through it.  Other times, I need to call it quits, head home, and try some of the techniques above.  It just depends on the day and the severity, but my body communicates loud and clear.  

5.  Use the power of the pups.

My two dogs have magical healing powers.  They always know when I don't feel well, and their snuggles can get me through anything.  They're also obsessed with yoga.  Downward Dog, anyone??