I was so hopeful when I started this blog. But lately that hope is dwindling. It’s in those moments of frustration that I
realize I need to change my perspective.
And this week has been perfect for truly understanding that fact. The reality is…life isn’t all about me. I need to look outside myself and realize
that even though I might be struggling, I still have so much to be thankful
for, and there are other people in my life who need my focus and support. Sometimes I need a life lesson as a
not-so-gentle reminder.
Just a few days ago, I woke up at 3am with excruciating pain
in my abdomen, lower back, and legs.
I’ve experienced intense pain before, but this was out of this
world. It went on for hours. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t catch my breath. My body wouldn’t stop shaking. Eventually I even vomited. I knew something was truly wrong. I told my husband, and we immediately headed
to the emergency room.
I was in so much pain while lying there that my legs would
not stop shaking. Everyone kept asking
if I was cold. I wasn’t. I just couldn’t get my body under
control. Tears kept flowing because I
didn’t know what else to do. Did my
appendix burst? Was it a kidney
stone? And the doctors and nurses just
kept asking more questions that I struggled to answer through the pain. Eventually, they gave me a morphine drip, and
I swear I wanted to hug that nurse. She
was my angel from heaven. I started to
relax, and then I felt like I was floating.
At one point, my mouth even went numb, and all I could think of was that
song by The Weeknd:
“I can’t feel my face when I’m with you…
But I love it…
But I love it…”
I started laughing in that moment, and that’s when I knew I
was going to be fine. The darkest part
had passed. The doctor finally came in
to let me know the results. After a
pelvic exam, ultrasound, and blood work, they determined I had an ovarian
cyst that ruptured, and I had some internal bleeding that would eventually go
away. Thankfully, there was no damage to
my ovary. My job now was to go home,
take ibuprofen and pain meds, get lots of rest, and lay low until I felt 100%
better.
Steve had to go to work, so a sweet friend picked me up and
drove me home. I was so thankful in that
moment for so many things.
- There is nothing seriously wrong with me. Sure it hurt. Sure it was scary. But I left knowing that my body is going to recover on its own, and there is no permanent damage.
- My husband is the strongest support system I could ask for. He’s there in sickness and in health, just like we promised each other.
- I have incredible friends that function like family. I love that with one phone call, someone is right there, no questions asked. With friends like that, I’m a rich woman.
My other realization this week (since I’ve had a lot of time
to think) is that I want to be there more purposefully for people in my
life. I have many close friends who are
going through a lot. Losing a loved one,
moving to a new city, having a new baby, dealing with the aftermath of
Charlottesville and the pain of racism and discrimination. It’s enough sometimes to make me feel
overwhelmed, or even hopeless. But it’s
also a reminder that none of us can get through this life alone. The best thing we can do is be there for
each other. That might look different
for each person, but offering that support can be what gets us through, day by
day. So I want to look for more ways to
intentionally support and lift up the people in my life. Just like that friend who picked me up
(literally) when I needed it, I want to be there in return.
After all, this life is so much bigger than
little old me.
